Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Declaration of Dependance

IN AMERICA, August 25th, 2009
The popular Declaration of the fifty Progressive States of America

When in the Course of human incompetence it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the rights and freedoms which have connected them with one another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of God, Allah, Buddha, Ganesh, Isis, and the Force entitles them, a political correctness to the opinions of mankind requires they should declare the causes which impel them to the suppression of free will to that of the State.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all humans are created equal, although some are more equal than others, that they are endowed by the State with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Welfare, Political Correctness, and the rejection of thought. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among humanity, deriving their just powers from the mindless submission of the governed, That whenever Form of Government becomes destructive to these ends, it is by the Right of The Progressives to alter it to their ends, or to overthrow it and institute a new, Progressive, government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Welfare. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that humanity are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.

But when a long train of neglected entitlements and benefits, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to make their own living, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future welfare.

Such has been the patient sufferance of these States; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present Constitution is a history of repeated neglects, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Free Society over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
This Free Society has refused their Assent to Entitlements, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

This Free Society have protested the passage of bailouts of immediate and pressing importance, they have protested increased taxes which were for the betterment of some.

This Free Society have refused to increase Entitlements for the accommodation of large numbers of non-citizens, unless those people would go through the lengthy process to become citizens.

This Free Society travels to town hall meetings and does its best to usurp the carefully choreographed audience membership, They demand to be seen, nay, even heard! For their views are alien to us, and therefore unable to be understood by rational peoples of this Welfare State.

They have refused to obstruct the Administration of Justice by enacting Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

They have made Judges accountable on performance alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

They have protested the erection of a multitude of New Offices, and refused to embrace the hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

They have kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies to protect this society from enemies foreign and domestic.

They have combined with others to subject us to a just constitution, and acknowledged by laws; giving their Assent to their Acts of Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed citizens among us:

For attempted reduction of the Trade deficit:

For reducing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by the Media:

For establishing the second amendment, for all of God's, Buddha's, Allah's, Isis', Zeus', Odin's, Ganesh's etc. children know that guns are Evil, and therefore if we disarm the population then the criminals would no longer need firearms to steal, rape, or murder:

For the attempting to balance the wages of the unions with the businesses need for cost-management:

For fighting globalization by every available means:

For repeated attempts to discern the true nature of the Federal Reserve, and to bring that institution's accounting into the light of day:

For asking for proof of global warming:

For refusing to acknowledge the feeble shreds of evidence our scientists hath gathered, pointing out such nonsense as the lack of evidence and the neglect to include solar activity into the results:

For refusing to play the race card:

For taking away our Entitlements, abolishing our most valuable Pork-barrel projects and refusing to alter the fundamental Forms of our Governments:

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the Main Stream Media: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated inquiry as to why our cranium is inserted into our rectal cavity.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Free Society brethren. We have warned this Free Society from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their compassion and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably cause us to have to work for sustenance. They too have been deaf to the voice of our justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, as something we can mooch off of.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the Progressive States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these States, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Welfare States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the United States of America, and that all political connection between them and the United States of America, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Welfare States, they have full Power to levy Taxes, condone Looting, break contracts, establish Entitlements, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other your Fortunes.


Sanjac said...

The huddled masses will be begging for framed copies of this fine document detailing our subjegation through pussitude and indifference.

Nairb said...


Careful, though, you might have moonbats suddenly falling in love and humping your leg.

Mayberry said...

You stole that from the DNC headquarters, didn't you...